I hold strong to the words of the great John Paul II. The incarnate spirit, that it is thru actions that abstract things are given meaning, that it is thru man’s action that a concept is given significance, that a symbol’s potential meaning is realizes and in relation to that a CHOICE ONLY BECOMES VALID ONCE YOU HAVE LIVED IT OUT. To say yes or to say it is you are mere words, easily broken, easily escaped. Words that thru time can cease to exist and be a sad memory of the hope it once held and gave.

Sight causes pain and so I have realized. The slightest glimpse even from the corner of your eyes has given me immense pain and a gut feeling I have not felt for years. My sight has become so sensitive to events and scenarios bound to hurt me that I have chosen to stay away or live in darkness. Yet as if to annoy me darkness blinds me not from pain. The absence of light dims not what the mind chooses to see and romantic silhouette and sweet shadows feed my mind with sorrow and sadness and squeeze me heart of the joy it had.


All I could do was watch and hope the end was near. Helpless and meek all I could do was sigh, then smile then turn around. Look up at the sky and wish I could shed a tear or two to rid myself of a bit of pain. Till when will I wait, when is the end…no opportunity to express, no venue to grow..yet I hold on to words though seemingly hopeless and dire and against principles I hold so strong. I’ll wait, I’ll endure, I’ll fight

From one of the song from rent:

You’ll be my king and I’ll be your castle, No... you’ll be my queen and I’ll be your moat..

I’ll cover you…..

The semesters almost done..but teachers are horribly trying to cram all their requirments and make this final push so hard and painfull. People are cursing and crying and those who almost never cram..are craamming...yohoo..taste that..

anyway..Philo is done..almost..just finished my last working hours in the beloved Goldwin, a sopa manufacturing factory..were i worked for 12 hours..hehe..all we have to do know is report and take my orals..CA is just once a week..only our final paper left..

For Histo, Theo and Marketing..your making life so hard..with only 3 classes left your giving me less hours of sleep and more things to worry about..

Still confused..who I am, what I am, where do i go??

I'm having a great time taking orals..haha..had a B+(Hignest Mark given) in theo 131 under the legendary and the terror Fr. Dacanay. Known for his brilliance and being an utter genius. HI does not give high marks thats why im so happy. And in Philosophy I got another B+(second hingest only one got a higher mark) and what makes me happy is that it was in straight and proper Filipino..yahoo..

Anyway...Theres realy nothing to write about just wanted to update..haha..

It was a great day..great lessons, great day to work...But But But..it just didnt end well....I should have gone home today...

My life these past days have proven the phrase "the hinger you get the harder you fall" and it sucks..

Im at the verge of loosing 2 things i truly love and hold so dear in my life.After dedicating so much time, sweat and blood. Ater much sacrifice and hardships im slowly loosing them..I;m slowly loosing a very very good friend and the sport i have loved and have been the focus of my college life as well.

This sucks..big time...

I am filled with anger, jealousy and hatred consumes me...again a viscous cycle of love and hate creeps slowly into my life...Why I am burdened at another's success, why does my heart tighten when i hear praises and words of good will..why do i suddenly get ranged seeing such happiness and sweetness in one's life..

I am hating, I am angry, I am enraged...I am nothing...

Inner peace has escaped my essence..I am no longer concerned with being..i fill contented with destroying..

Your happiness matters..but so does mine..

My day started early and ended late and like most days(which is disturbing) I have found it short. Physically, evidently long and physically draining yet short in a sense that the day ended without anything fruitful happening. It seems that you have invested so much into the day but you are rewarded with nothing. You wake up, do you routine activities, go home lie down and feel unfulfilled and remember nothing worthy of remembering during the day.

Today a saddening revelation was presented to me. I was awakened by the fact that most of my realizations, conclusions and outlooks into various people, events and situations have been nearly completely wrong and the exact opposite of what they really are. I will not mention any of these things but I will only say that it is very disappointing and saddening in my part to have been truly and confidently convinced on what I have discerned upon. I feel very stupid and feel like an hypocrite to have shared insights, revealed my opinions, concluded on scenarios and completely answering or predicting various events. It is an utter disappointment. Was I supplied with false information. Were the persons i spoke to fair when I talked to them or,to be fair, responded dependent on the mood of the environment we were in. We have been overwhelmed and were driven by an subjective sense that wished only to satisfy the human need and want. I have nothing more to say but that I am extremely disappointed and frustrated. I wish not to further devote myself in matters I am not involved in.

I wrote this during a 20 minute rest I had during a medical dental mission in my local church.


Utter chaos engulfs a local medical-dental mission. The supposed silence and sanctity of the church is shattered. It is hot, noisy, humid, the loud wailing of crying babies is buffered only be the even louder blare of the church speakers. It is a funny acoustic, crying babies and a constant chatter duetted by church songs and prayers. It is utter chaos.

At one corner doctors flog down their papers with ineligible prescriptions. Some wipe their sweat as they check patients blood pressures, as they listen to children's chest, as they feel peoples throats. Dentist on the other hand remove rotten teeth from patients who seem to hate brushing, from children who seem to have never seen a toothbrush. volunteers panic to find vitamins and medicine as patients flog to the counter. Every boy,girl, father, grandfather, mother, baby add a chord of irritating noise. It is utter chaos..

The foul smell of sweat strengthens. Patients grow in number. The old, the young, the sick, the healthy flock to avail of anything free. There are people who are not a sight to behold, thin and sick and disfigured. It is utter chaos...

But then I look around, I look into the sweat drenched faces of men and women. I look into the tired hands of men and women. I look into the weary eyes of men and women. Chaos is good. Chaos then is were heroes are born, were champions are made, were men become men and women mightier than men. For a doctor has canceled his appointments to sweat, to toil, to serve. The mild mannered dentist foregos an opportunity of money to sweat, to toil, to serve. The honest student sacrifices her studies to toil,to sweat, to serve. They have rendered more than service.

There is utter chaos...Yet in this scenario..Chaos is then good..