I am filled with anger, jealousy and hatred consumes me...again a viscous cycle of love and hate creeps slowly into my life...Why I am burdened at another's success, why does my heart tighten when i hear praises and words of good will..why do i suddenly get ranged seeing such happiness and sweetness in one's life..
I am hating, I am angry, I am enraged...I am nothing...
Inner peace has escaped my essence..I am no longer concerned with being..i fill contented with destroying..
Your happiness matters..but so does mine..
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
My day started early and ended late and like most days(which is disturbing) I have found it short. Physically, evidently long and physically draining yet short in a sense that the day ended without anything fruitful happening. It seems that you have invested so much into the day but you are rewarded with nothing. You wake up, do you routine activities, go home lie down and feel unfulfilled and remember nothing worthy of remembering during the day.
Today a saddening revelation was presented to me. I was awakened by the fact that most of my realizations, conclusions and outlooks into various people, events and situations have been nearly completely wrong and the exact opposite of what they really are. I will not mention any of these things but I will only say that it is very disappointing and saddening in my part to have been truly and confidently convinced on what I have discerned upon. I feel very stupid and feel like an hypocrite to have shared insights, revealed my opinions, concluded on scenarios and completely answering or predicting various events. It is an utter disappointment. Was I supplied with false information. Were the persons i spoke to fair when I talked to them or,to be fair, responded dependent on the mood of the environment we were in. We have been overwhelmed and were driven by an subjective sense that wished only to satisfy the human need and want. I have nothing more to say but that I am extremely disappointed and frustrated. I wish not to further devote myself in matters I am not involved in.
Today a saddening revelation was presented to me. I was awakened by the fact that most of my realizations, conclusions and outlooks into various people, events and situations have been nearly completely wrong and the exact opposite of what they really are. I will not mention any of these things but I will only say that it is very disappointing and saddening in my part to have been truly and confidently convinced on what I have discerned upon. I feel very stupid and feel like an hypocrite to have shared insights, revealed my opinions, concluded on scenarios and completely answering or predicting various events. It is an utter disappointment. Was I supplied with false information. Were the persons i spoke to fair when I talked to them or,to be fair, responded dependent on the mood of the environment we were in. We have been overwhelmed and were driven by an subjective sense that wished only to satisfy the human need and want. I have nothing more to say but that I am extremely disappointed and frustrated. I wish not to further devote myself in matters I am not involved in.
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