I hold strong to the words of the great John Paul II. The incarnate spirit, that it is thru actions that abstract things are given meaning, that it is thru man’s action that a concept is given significance, that a symbol’s potential meaning is realizes and in relation to that a CHOICE ONLY BECOMES VALID ONCE YOU HAVE LIVED IT OUT. To say yes or to say it is you are mere words, easily broken, easily escaped. Words that thru time can cease to exist and be a sad memory of the hope it once held and gave.

Sight causes pain and so I have realized. The slightest glimpse even from the corner of your eyes has given me immense pain and a gut feeling I have not felt for years. My sight has become so sensitive to events and scenarios bound to hurt me that I have chosen to stay away or live in darkness. Yet as if to annoy me darkness blinds me not from pain. The absence of light dims not what the mind chooses to see and romantic silhouette and sweet shadows feed my mind with sorrow and sadness and squeeze me heart of the joy it had.


All I could do was watch and hope the end was near. Helpless and meek all I could do was sigh, then smile then turn around. Look up at the sky and wish I could shed a tear or two to rid myself of a bit of pain. Till when will I wait, when is the end…no opportunity to express, no venue to grow..yet I hold on to words though seemingly hopeless and dire and against principles I hold so strong. I’ll wait, I’ll endure, I’ll fight

From one of the song from rent:

You’ll be my king and I’ll be your castle, No... you’ll be my queen and I’ll be your moat..

I’ll cover you…..

The semesters almost done..but teachers are horribly trying to cram all their requirments and make this final push so hard and painfull. People are cursing and crying and those who almost never cram..are craamming...yohoo..taste that..

anyway..Philo is done..almost..just finished my last working hours in the beloved Goldwin, a sopa manufacturing factory..were i worked for 12 hours..hehe..all we have to do know is report and take my orals..CA is just once a week..only our final paper left..

For Histo, Theo and Marketing..your making life so hard..with only 3 classes left your giving me less hours of sleep and more things to worry about..

Still confused..who I am, what I am, where do i go??

I'm having a great time taking orals..haha..had a B+(Hignest Mark given) in theo 131 under the legendary and the terror Fr. Dacanay. Known for his brilliance and being an utter genius. HI does not give high marks thats why im so happy. And in Philosophy I got another B+(second hingest only one got a higher mark) and what makes me happy is that it was in straight and proper Filipino..yahoo..

Anyway...Theres realy nothing to write about just wanted to update..haha..

It was a great day..great lessons, great day to work...But But But..it just didnt end well....I should have gone home today...

My life these past days have proven the phrase "the hinger you get the harder you fall" and it sucks..

Im at the verge of loosing 2 things i truly love and hold so dear in my life.After dedicating so much time, sweat and blood. Ater much sacrifice and hardships im slowly loosing them..I;m slowly loosing a very very good friend and the sport i have loved and have been the focus of my college life as well.

This sucks..big time...

I am filled with anger, jealousy and hatred consumes me...again a viscous cycle of love and hate creeps slowly into my life...Why I am burdened at another's success, why does my heart tighten when i hear praises and words of good will..why do i suddenly get ranged seeing such happiness and sweetness in one's life..

I am hating, I am angry, I am enraged...I am nothing...

Inner peace has escaped my essence..I am no longer concerned with being..i fill contented with destroying..

Your happiness matters..but so does mine..

My day started early and ended late and like most days(which is disturbing) I have found it short. Physically, evidently long and physically draining yet short in a sense that the day ended without anything fruitful happening. It seems that you have invested so much into the day but you are rewarded with nothing. You wake up, do you routine activities, go home lie down and feel unfulfilled and remember nothing worthy of remembering during the day.

Today a saddening revelation was presented to me. I was awakened by the fact that most of my realizations, conclusions and outlooks into various people, events and situations have been nearly completely wrong and the exact opposite of what they really are. I will not mention any of these things but I will only say that it is very disappointing and saddening in my part to have been truly and confidently convinced on what I have discerned upon. I feel very stupid and feel like an hypocrite to have shared insights, revealed my opinions, concluded on scenarios and completely answering or predicting various events. It is an utter disappointment. Was I supplied with false information. Were the persons i spoke to fair when I talked to them or,to be fair, responded dependent on the mood of the environment we were in. We have been overwhelmed and were driven by an subjective sense that wished only to satisfy the human need and want. I have nothing more to say but that I am extremely disappointed and frustrated. I wish not to further devote myself in matters I am not involved in.

I wrote this during a 20 minute rest I had during a medical dental mission in my local church.


Utter chaos engulfs a local medical-dental mission. The supposed silence and sanctity of the church is shattered. It is hot, noisy, humid, the loud wailing of crying babies is buffered only be the even louder blare of the church speakers. It is a funny acoustic, crying babies and a constant chatter duetted by church songs and prayers. It is utter chaos.

At one corner doctors flog down their papers with ineligible prescriptions. Some wipe their sweat as they check patients blood pressures, as they listen to children's chest, as they feel peoples throats. Dentist on the other hand remove rotten teeth from patients who seem to hate brushing, from children who seem to have never seen a toothbrush. volunteers panic to find vitamins and medicine as patients flog to the counter. Every boy,girl, father, grandfather, mother, baby add a chord of irritating noise. It is utter chaos..

The foul smell of sweat strengthens. Patients grow in number. The old, the young, the sick, the healthy flock to avail of anything free. There are people who are not a sight to behold, thin and sick and disfigured. It is utter chaos...

But then I look around, I look into the sweat drenched faces of men and women. I look into the tired hands of men and women. I look into the weary eyes of men and women. Chaos is good. Chaos then is were heroes are born, were champions are made, were men become men and women mightier than men. For a doctor has canceled his appointments to sweat, to toil, to serve. The mild mannered dentist foregos an opportunity of money to sweat, to toil, to serve. The honest student sacrifices her studies to toil,to sweat, to serve. They have rendered more than service.

There is utter chaos...Yet in this scenario..Chaos is then good..

JUNE 15

I have been blessed to have such wonderful, caring and loving people surrounding me. Thank You. First of all to God who provided me with great things and people in life, he is truly amazing.

I celebrated one of the liveliest and most memorable birthdays in my life yesterday and to tell you guys frankly it was something i will truly cherish. For the past years I have remained not apathetic or cold but rather uninterested in my birthday. I usually pass the day as another day thanking anyone who greets me and put minimal if not no remorse at all to those who forget. But yesterday put me in awe. I was overwhelmed with people who greeted me as early as 12 AM and the people who were with me till late at night. To all you guys,THANK YOU AND I OWE YOU ONE.

Thanks to.

The ATENEO TRACK AND FIELD TEAM, for chanting my name while i was doing my work out. To Joboy, Cookie, Vitto, Coach Mik and coach Aris, the runners and everyone on the team. You guys have been my consistent family in college. How ever formal I have been during training and competitions I am indeed thankful and honored to have shared my first days in college and to finish it with all of you.

non-Beda,Non-ADMU friends, I'm surprised you remember or even know. I derive great happiness things that happen but never expect and your greeting were a concrete manifestation of a smile inspiring phenomena. Thank You and i hope to spend some time with you in the near future.

To the dormer boys. Coach Ryan,RS,Kevin,PercyOrville,Juaqi..You guys are just such blessings. Even though we have dwindled we remain strong friends and comrades. we have shared our pain, sacrifices and heart aches. Most of you have displayed what a true student-athlete and for that i salute you. I am truly grateful for more than a year of sharing a second home.

Beda Boys..You have always and will always be some of my greatest and most trusted freinds ever. We have been time tested and still every joke,smile,laugh,tear and sorrow remains fresh and revitalizing as always. Bethel,Marcus, Felly, Boboy, Ivan, yeahboy,Ivan, my new found SBC college friends, Froilan, my HS best freind who, though we seldom meet have remained loyal and always a great great source of help and motivation. You often give me more credit than i deserve and you can forever be rellied upon..you have been a great great fried and brother. and many others i cannot mention since it might fill up the whole page, we have built a strong and stern relationship and i hope that never will it collapse.

TNT family..your energy is most contagious. You guys spark enthusiasm even during the dimmest of moments. I am but inspired of your passion, dedication and love in what you do. I will never compare with even one of you guys. That dinner in Walk this way and in Cantina was realy touching. As i said i have gone uninterested in birthdays but you guys gave me reason to enjoy the day. You guys prove that friendship is not necessarily built by time but rather on a common goal and of genuine care and love. My Ateneo life will not have been these happy have i not been a TNT and met all you amazing people..I salute you for what you have done and for who you choose to be.

R3..My beloved and truly loved block. I miss each and everyone. You are a prime motivation on why I have continued to love Ateneo and my college life. Everyone of you holds a special memory. From ORSEM until now you have been there. You raised me from my dullness and still continue to support and lend a hand whenever i need one. You accepted me and allowed me to accept you. I will not even attempt to imagine what my life with if R3 was not my block for truly i am in much bliss to have been and to be part of the R3 family. Special thanks to Von for numerous greetings, Jaq for that free and very delicious meal, tommy,nats, jeff, AL,Nigui, jon, denis... all of you guys..

YFC Ateneo..Word do not justify how overly thankful and blessed I am to have met you all and by God's grace. I have been a YFC for more than 6 years but only now have i realized how great a community i is. It was you guys who fueled my drive for service and for life. I am so greatfull because of your presence and consistent listening. I am at a lost for words..I just want to thank you all...To James and Kevin for your presence,stories and time. Ritz and jeff, simply amazing..you have surprised me many times and your funny antics lighten my heart, Thanks for the cake..Charles..My College best friend who has always been there to listen, speak and feel with me, you become a better friend everyday..i wish you the best with Jaq..

To MY FAMILY..Emotions, affection and love has most of the time been silent and placid. But this never meant it was absent..It had only been in the shadows waiting for the perfect time to reveal itself. For these reason every word is sweet, touching and heart warming..You are like no other in all of everything..To my mom who has loved all of us unconditionally, sacrificed so much asked for so little and has always been an inspiration, MY dad the silent motivator who expressed his love not thru words but thru actions, you have discreetly touched our lives, changed it for the better, given all without wanting to be known..MY brothers and sisters.companions in music,sports, a drive for social change.you are like no other..I AM FOREVER AT YOUR DEBT AND AM ETERNALY GRATEFULL

Most days we experience happiness, we share smiles and laughter, joke around, do our things, live a carefree life and walk home seemingly satisfied. Such a blissful life, a seemingly endless cycle of all that's sweet and charming. The day presents us with love, companionship and simple joys that life rewards us.Yet as we sit down, alone, staring aimlessly at the vast abyss that surrounds us, we more than often realize a sense of emptiness inside. A feeling of living a very futile life, a senseless, blank and dark life. At the end of the day we realize how so much is wasted and we find ourselves alone. We discover the absence of peace in our minds. The pursuit of inner peace, one of life's great mysteries.